“I could care less …”
Have you ever used this expression? I have. “I could care less about who won the Super Bowl last year.” – oh wait… The Broncos did!!! Ok, fine, I DO care – but just this once 🙂 Better example: I could care less about understanding HOW the plumbing in my house works (so long as it does work!) You get the jist.
Oddly enough, when we say “I could care less”, what we’re really trying to communicate is that we COULD NOT care less. The expression is intended to drive home the point that we have absolutely no interest or concern over this or that and therefore could not care less than we already do. Are you tracking with me?… or just wondering why I’m rambling on with this nonsense? Stay with me …
I said these very words this past week. I spoke with such confidence and conviction – silently – to myself, “I could care less what people think.” Man it felt good to be so bold. I stood triumphantly applying my makeup. That is, until some other voice rudely interrupted my self-asserting internal dialogue. “You’re right, you COULD care less.” Say whaaat? It was an ironic indictment…
In the traditional sense of the expression, I was meaning that I couldn’t care less about what people think. But the One who knows me best knew that I needed to hear those words in the more literal sense. More like, “You could (and need) to care less about what people think.” Ouch. Actually, “Oh…Crap” was my response. I know, I know… not very holy. The reason I said, “Oh crap” was because I knew right then and there that this was going to be my next blog post. Lovely.
He was SO right though. My internal dialogue in the bathroom that day was a pitiful attempt to convince myself of something that just isn’t true. I do care what people think – way too much.
I was severely shy and fearful as a child. But a love of singing led me to a stage and that stage led me down a path of being trained in social graces, public speaking, and performing. While this may have won me titles and crowns, it did not win me confidence. I simply learned the art of evolving into whoever ‘they’ wanted me to be in order to get where I wanted to go.
Anxiety, fear, and insecurity still run thick through my veins. Only as a thirty-something have I even begun to acknowledge that somewhere inside this mess of flesh and bones is a heart that beats to its own rhythm and a mind that’s uniquely wired for a specific purpose. Only recently have I been able to admit that the burden of man’s approval is too heavy for me to carry and I need to throw it off if I’m to continue the journey He’s called me to.
But by the grace of God I am what I am.
1 Corinthians 15:10a
Christ died to set us free. True freedom is knowing who you are in Christ and recognizing the unique ways He’s gifted you to serve His kingdom. Sounds good, but fighting to keep those truths in focus is a constant struggle. Why? Because, to some degree, insecurity and pride run through all of our veins.
Insecurity
What if they don’t like me?
What if I lose everything because I didn’t bend to their wishes?
What if he/she cheats on me because I’m not good enough?
Cue hyper-vigilance. Cue over-analyzation. Cue self-obsession.
Insecurity feeds off the fear of man.
Pride
They were so impressed by my work!
They chose ME to be the leader!
I have x-number of friends, followers, subscribers, fans!!
Cue inflated ego. Cue narcissism. Cue pretense.
Pride feeds off the praise of man.
Pride and Insecurity – both are traps set to entangle us in a web of self-absorption. Both rob us of joy and love. Both will lead us into moral failure. And both will keep us distracted from what truly matters in life: that GOD be glorified, not us.
So what is the antiserum to this pandemic?
TRUTH.
To those of us who struggle with insecurity, head bent low in fear of man, Truth says:
Dear friends, don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot do any more to you after that. But I’ll tell you whom to fear. Fear God, who has the power to kill you and then throw you into hell. Yes, he’s the one to fear. Luke 12:4,5
People greatly affect our lives, for better or for worse. So the reality is, we do care about what people think and do to us! But what Jesus tells us here in Luke 12:4-5 is that we need to shift our focus. Yes, people can do terrible things, but the worst that man can do is kill our physical body (and, no, that’s not very comforting). But we have an even bigger problem than that. We have a spiritual body that will continue to live on through eternity, be it in heaven or hell, and so we should fear God far more than we do man because He alone has the power to determine what happens to that body.
To those of us who struggle with pride, head held a bit too high, Truth says:
Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given… And do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Romans 12:5 & Philippians 2:3
Pride is not a strength, it’s a handicap. But, as we seek to combat pride it can’t be with the weapons of false humility. Dismissing compliments or making self-deprecating comments might disguise our pride but those habits are ineffective at fostering true humility in the heart. True humility comes when we shift our focus, once again, off of man and onto God. More specifically, off our own worth and onto Christ’s worth.
Humility isn’t thinking less of ourselves, it’s thinking of ourselves less. C.S. Lewis
Oh how I wanted to believe what I was trying to tell myself in the bathroom – that I could care less what people think. But it just wasn’t the truth. I do care – and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Caring too much, however, will lead you into the trappings of insecurity and pride. So today I’m reminding myself of the real truth spoken to my heart that day, “You’re right, you could care less about what people think.”
We all struggle with pride and insecurity.
We all need our daily dose of Truth.
We all could care less.
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Niki Schemanski is a wife and homeschooling mother of three children. A love of singing led her into an early career of performing and public speaking throughout Alaska and in various parts of the nation beginning when she was only eight years old. After college, she spent more than a decade on staff as Worship Pastor at New Life Assembly of God in Kenai, Alaska. Niki’s passion to lead worship and help others “taste and see that the Lord is good” continues to fuel her writing, singing, and teaching. She and her family now reside in Durango, Colorado.
Beautifully written. It’s nice to know that I am not alone in my own personal struggles.
Thank you Mom. Nope, you’re definitely NOT alone… I’m amazed at the stories I’m hearing from other women, some of whom you’d never imagine could possibly struggle with insecurity. We’re in this together though!