What?! You actually clicked on THIS link! … shame. Why would any nice human being want to ruin Christmas?

That’s just it – we don’t. None of us intends to ruin the holidays. We’re not The Grinch. We’re not Ebenezer Scrooge. We’re just your average mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, sister, brother, son and daughter – and all we want is what we see on TV…

One big happy family gathered around a table…
(that seats twenty, adorned with layers of table cloths, linen napkins, fine china, a sprawling floral centerpiece, two platters of meat, fifteen side dishes, and six desserts.)
That’s all.

Hours of baking with our children…
(occasionally throwing a little flour in each other’s faces for some extra giggles.)
Isn’t that precious.

To dance under the mistletoe with our sweetheart…
(who’s simply beaming in the after-glow of hosting yet another successful Christmas party!)
Oh how romantic.

To stay up into the wee hours of the night playing Mr. and Mrs. Claus…
(and then wink at each other as we partake of the cookies and milk our little ones set out for “Santa”.)
So cute.

To wake up Christmas morning to the aroma of fresh brewed coffee…
(then be greeted in the kitchen by a long lost family member who apparently sneaked into our house and brewed Folgers just the way we like it!)
Not creepy at all…

To sit around the Christmas tree watching our kids patiently taking turns opening gifts…
(then just when we think all the gifts are gone, we see two secret boxes hidden in the Christmas tree: keys to a new truck for dad! Diamond earrings for mom!)
Ahhh, how perfect.

Yes ~ these scenes make for great commercials.

But we know the truth…

Behind that table loaded with food are a couple of tired cooks, a dirty kitchen, and a grocery bill to choke on. And we all know how much fun baking with children is ~ for like 10 minutes. And, really, after hosting a Christmas party most people would rather crash on the couch than dance under the mistletoe. Sure, milk and cookies “for Santa” are very cute, but after assembling toys all night we might prefer a glass of wine. But hey, the truck and diamond earrings are totally reasonable.

Perhaps the quickest way to ruin Christmas is to actually believe in these unbelievable commercials!

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3-Step Plan For Ruining The Holidays

Step 1: Expect
Step 2: Exhaust
Step 3: Exceed

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#1 Have Unrealistic Expectations

We all have certain traditions and imaginations of what Christmas should look and feel like. But sometimes, in our romanticized ideals, we forget that toddlers still throw fits, siblings bicker, and spouses argue – EVEN on holidays.

A wife imagines her husband thoughtfully finding that perfect gift, only to receive a toaster. A husband hopes his wife will surprise him with a little something that’s not for HIM to wear… but nope, flannel pajamas were on sale again this year.

Our efforts to ruin the holidays will be off to a great start simply by expecting people to be different from who they normally are.

#2 Work Yourself (and others) Into Exhaustion

To-do lists, wish lists, guest lists, supply lists, grocery lists… post office lines, check out lines, soup-kitchen lines… gift-exchanges, cookie exchanges, ornament exchanges… Christmas shoe boxes, sponsor children, neighbors … choir concerts, play rehearsals, music practice… you get it.

If your serious about ruining the holidays then get busy filling that calendar of yours! And don’t worry, nobody will fault you for being irritable or impatient – it is, after all, very stressful carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

#3 Indulge In Excess

Whether it be gifts, decorating, food, drink, or entertainment, nobody gets better with excess. Having too much makes us spoiled, fat, drunk, and lazy. Most people know this but are willing to make exceptions for the holidays.

Ruining the holidays is easy when you capitalize on these notions:

• more gifts equals more love
• more decorations represents more holiday spirit
• calories don’t count during the holidays
• another drink won’t hurt anyone
• television brings the family together!

Just wait and see! With this 3-step plan you’ll be amazed how quickly Christmas giving turns into Grinch-like grumbling. And before you know it, the “most wonderful time of the year” will be over and you can resume life as normal.

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Niki Schemanski is a wife of eighteen years and homeschooling mother of three children. A love of singing led her into an early career in performing arts at eight years and after college she became a worship pastor. She and her family reside in Durango, Colorado. (Read More: About The Author)