Well it turns out I’m not the only expert at ruining holidays!! Thank you, readers and friends, for your willingness to admit that you too struggle with all the holiday hoopla. We all need a good dose of reality every now and then and laughter is the best medicine! So, thank you for humoring me as I shared my ‘expertise’ in the previous post, “How To Ruin The Holidays In 3 Easy Steps”.

But, now what? We’re not super proud to be experts in this area. And – odd as it may seem – our family members don’t appreciate our Grinch-like skills. So how do we do things differently? This was the question asked by several readers. The truth is we don’t want to get sucked into the holiday vortex… but we also don’t know how far back to stand in order to avoid its force.

We don’t want to disappoint. We don’t want to let people down. We don’t want to be misunderstood. We don’t want to appear less than. So we cram six-months-worth of generosity, service, cooking, and kindness into approximately thirty days! Super fun. Except, not really.

Realistically, we’ll never do the holidays perfectly year after year. But the following three questions can help us examine our hearts and lead us in a good direction…

---

3 Questions To Help Redeem The Holidays

Question #1: What is Christmas about?
Question #2: What is my reason for doing this or that?
Question #3: What will it cost?

---

 

Question #1: What is Christmas About?

This is by far the most important question we need to ask ourselves – every year.

I am a Christian, I know that Christmas isn’t about Santa, presents, and decorations. Duh. And yet, somehow the permeating nature of commercialism sneaks into my home, my heart, and my family. Maybe it’s not commercialism that affects you, maybe it’s tradition. You simply can’t imagine not doing what you’ve always done – because that’s what makes Christmas feel like Christmas! Perhaps neither commercialism nor tradition steers you through the holidays, but rather other people’s expectations. You carry the weight of everyone’s happiness on your shoulders and would rather give yourself an ulcer than disappoint anyone.

Commercialism, tradition, expectations… we can get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of it all that we forget what Christmas is really about – celebrating Christ. Not celebrating Him as some historical figure, but as our personal Savior. Christmas, if anything, should arouse a heightened sense of worship for the Christian. This manger-baby was not only Immanuel, “God with us”, but also Redeemer, “the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!” Jesus made it possible for us to know God… like really know Him. THIS is worth celebrating! But we can’t know someone whom we don’t spend time with. When we turn into busy little Martha’s doing, doing, doing and forget to be like Mary, who was content to be still and just visit with Jesus, we miss out on the best part of the holidays.

But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

 

Question #2: What is my reason for doing this or that?

Why do we decorate? Give gifts? Bake cookies? Have parties? Why are we volunteering here or performing there? What are we hoping for as we do this or that? These questions help us uncover our motives, or reasons, for doing whatever it is we do.

But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. Jeremiah 17:1

If we really want Christmas to be about Jesus then we have to begin by examining our own “secret motives” for doing what we do during the holidays. Do we decorate in a way that suits our family and honors God with our time and finances? Or are we decorating to impress friends and neighbors, making sure we’re always prepared for Home & Gardens to stop by? Am I blessing others with gifts as an extension of God’s kindness towards me or giving gifts out of obligation and guilt? Am I baking cookies for my neighbors because I want to build a relationship with them or so that I can check off my good deed for the day? Am I volunteering here and performing there in order to promote myself or as a means of furthering the gospel of Jesus Christ?

Motives greatly affect our attitude as we go about our various activities and to-dos. If our reasons for decorating, giving, baking, performing, volunteering, hosting, etc. etc. stem from a true desire to make much of God then we will find great joy in it all (even if we feel exhausted at times). But if our deepest desires are actually to make much of ourselves then our happiness will greatly depend on people’s response to our efforts.

 

Question #3: What Will It Cost?

I’m not talking money here. As much as people tend to over-spend during the holidays, I think there are other costs that we don’t often consider. I’m speaking in terms of personal health, relationships, and family life. A jam-packed schedule means more time barking at the kids rather than connecting with them. Exhausted parents make lousy spouses. Too little time at home equals more junk food out. Is it worth it? We all have limited time and resources and struggle to love the people closest to us very well when pulled in too many directions. Everyone’s threshold is different. So I think the key here is to be honest with ourselves about how much we can take on personally (and still be nice) and also be sensitive to our family’s responses to busyness. We must keep in mind that children will remember the atmosphere in their home long after the decorations and presents are gone.

So, to all those who, like myself, desire to make the holidays merry and bright but sometimes feel like their light is barely flickering – when we start to feel that twinge of anxiety or irritation rising up, let us pause and ask ourselves:

Am I drawing close to Jesus?
If not, what activities need to go or be changed to make that more of a focus?
Am I doing these ‘good’ things for the right reasons?
If not, what needs to change for both my heart and attitude to glorify God?
Is the cost of doing this or that worth it to me and my family?
If not, how can we simplify in order to create an atmosphere of joy and peace in our home?

---

Children will remember the atmosphere in their home long after the decorations and presents are gone.
-Niki Schemanski

---

---

If you enjoyed this article then please share on social media and tell others about Beautifully Messed Up

Subscribe here to receive new posts automatically via email as soon as they’re published!

Niki Schemanski is a wife and homeschooling mother of three children. A love of singing led her into an early career of performing and public speaking throughout Alaska and in various parts of the nation beginning at eight years old. After college, she spent more than a decade on staff as Worship Pastor at New Life Assembly of God in Kenai, Alaska. Niki’s desire is to help others “taste and see that the Lord is good” and that passion is what fuels her writing, singing, and teaching. She and her family now reside in Durango, Colorado.