Grandpa was a story teller. As a little girl I learned to ask questions carefully because there were no short answers 🙂 Grandpa recently passed away and during his last few days in the hospital, a nurse came to evaluate his cognitive reasoning…
“How is it that Niki came to be your daughter?” she asked.
“Well. That’s a long story…” Grandpa’s voice trailed off as if he were going back in time.
The nurse chuckled, “Can you tell me the short version?”
“There is no short version.” My grandpa and I laughed because it’s true – there is no short version to that story.
There’s a story Grandpa used to tell about me and while I didn’t necessarily enjoy hearing it told over and over again, I share it with you now.
“There’s No Rathers.”
Grandpa explained that when I was about to turn four years old he asked me if I’d rather have a Strawberry Shortcake bicycle or a 3-wheeler for my birthday? My answer: “Grandpaaaa…There’s no rathers!”
Yip, I wanted both. Can you blame me? And guess what? I got both! 🙂
“With Niki there’s no rathers,” he’d jest.
Hmmm, why do I dislike this story so much? Well, the foremost reason is that I don’t want to be perceived as a demanding, spoiled rotten kid. But I think there’s more to it than that. These words of mine point to a deeper struggle – one that existed at four and still exists today. I don’t want to choose.
It’s one thing when your heart is torn between a bike and a 3-wheeler. Or a plaid-yellow winter coat verses the hot pink one (yes, a real dilemma… and yes, I got both). But it’s an entirely different struggle when the choice is between man’s approval and God’s approval. I don’t want to choose. I want to love God AND I want people to like me.
And why can’t I have both, anyways? Should I have to choose between Jesus and people? Wouldn’t it make sense that if we’re truly loving God and doing what He’s called us to do then people will like us?…
When a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Proverbs 16:7
The seeds of good deeds become a tree of life; a wise person wins friends.
Proverbs 11:30
A gracious woman gains respect.
Proverbs 11:16a
If you’re like me you might read these verses and draw the same conclusions I have…
If I am nice enough, good enough, wise enough, gracious enough, and helpful enough then even people who don’t like me will come to like me!
(… until they don’t.)
Have you traveled that road before? Have you run yourself ragged trying to be all things to all people? Are you hiking through life not only carrying your own baggage but willingly taking on the baggage of others?… because you’d rather be exhausted than abandoned. Do you lie awake rehearsing conversations, wondering what people think of you, assessing situations in order to gauge your popularity, position, rank, influence, or what have you? I do. Do your private thoughts and desires revolve more around people or Jesus? Honest answers to these questions reveal a lot about what’s actually controlling your life.
And this is why we have to choose…
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.
Matthew 6:24
God is a master. People are a master. And yes, we have to choose. Obedience to God doesn’t always make you popular with people and popularity rarely leads to obedience towards God. There will come a point when we have to choose which master to submit to.
But wait. Aren’t we commanded to love both God AND people, not either or? Yes. But.
There is a distinction between loving people and pleasing people. Jesus loved people perfectly and ticked them off at the same time. I’ve come to realize that I error on the side of people pleasing, but not always because of love. My loving actions are sometimes born out of selfish desires to be liked, respected, admired, and sought after. Or in other cases I just want a person to leave me alone and if doing something nice gets them off my back then I’ll do it. That is not love, that is people-pleasing. Better said, it’s selfishness disguised as benevolence. Embarrassing to admit but true.
When it comes to true Biblical love, there are no rathers! We are called to love both God and people. However, when it comes to pleasing God or pleasing people, he makes us choose. When it comes to being approved by man or approved by God, he makes us choose.
Why? Because Jesus didn’t die to become a means to our selfish ends. He knows that life is not found in popularity, prestige, prosperity, or platform. As alluring as they are to us, these ideals are actually thieves that rob us of true joy and life.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10
Jesus died that we might LIVE! Life to the fullest. Life in abundance. So when God whispers “choose this day whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:15) it isn’t the voice of a threatening egomaniac. No, it’s the voice of the nail-scarred Master inviting us…
To find our greatest delight in Him…
Where our soul rests secure in Him…
And our lives find their truest worth in Him…
Because THIS is the abundant life!
God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
-John Piper
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Niki Schemanski is a wife of seventeen years and homeschooling mother of three children. A love of singing led her into an early career in performing arts at eight years old. After college Niki became a worship pastor and has been in ministry ever since. She and her family reside in Durango, Colorado. (Read More: About The Author)