I lied.
Do you remember the first time you told a lie? I do – I was six. I remember feeling utterly shocked at how easily I’d escaped my own punishment through simply blaming my younger brother for the thing I’d broke.
I cheated.
Maybe you’ve never cheated. But I have. At sixteen years old I was awakened to the world of shortcuts, where I could escape difficult work but still gain a reward.
I stole.
Hundreds of dollars worth of clothes, layer upon layer, hidden under a baggy coat and pants… and I, Niki, calmly walked out the front door completely unnoticed.
I could go on, story after story, of “Firsts” that I’m not proud of. How about you? Maybe you know as well as I do that sometimes firsts lead to seconds, thirds, fourths, and fifths, until one day you’re not even the same person you once were. That’s where I found myself at seventeen – not the girl I’d always been nor the girl I wanted to be.
But something happened in the midst of my self-destructive unraveling that forever changed me. Jesus came. He met me in my darkest hour, alone in my room. And everything changed.
“Everything changed.” That’s the way I like to tell my story. Jesus rescued me and made me new! And I’m hoping other people believe it too…
“Niki was bad, but now she’s good!”
“Niki was a sinner, but now she’s a saint!”
“Niki was wrong, but now she’s right!”
“Niki was broken, but now she’s healed!”
“Niki was dirty, but now she’s clean!”
I want YOU to believe these things because I want to believe these things! I was that – past tense, gone, no more! But now I’m THIS – present tense, here to stay, for now and through eternity! I want to believe everything changed – that I would never lie, cheat, or steal again.
Is it just me, or is there a piece in each of us that wants to believe our worst sins are BEHIND us? … that, because we know Jesus, sin is a past-tense issue?
If so, who are we kidding? – we know that sin still lurks in the dark corners of our heart even after being “born again”. The struggles morph and change but every day gives new evidence to the fact that everything did not change right when we met Jesus. We are made new!… but it is a process – one that takes a lifetime to complete.
Sin is not a past-tense issue. And we know this. Even still, it’s much more difficult to own and discuss our current struggles, lingering shame, and admit we’re wrong – still. We’d rather talk about sin in the past tense, where redemptive value can be added to the story! But the cross is not simply a past-tense solution to a past-tense problem.
The wonder of this rugged, bloodstained, nail-holed cross – this Gift of the Gospel – is that it continues rescuing and redeeming us. Every. Single. Day.
Sin is not a past-tense issue and the gospel is not a past-tense solution.
Sin is a right-now, present-tense battle that requires an everyday, present-tense gospel!
Oh how we NEED this Gospel – today. To hear it, receive it, and walk in it – today.
I needed the grace and mercy of the cross to fill my heart then and I need it just as much today. Because I’m still tempted to blame others for my faults or to want shortcuts that give rewards minus the work. I’m still prone to look for popularity in places I shouldn’t. I’m still tempted to people please right into sin. I’m still “prone to wander”, as the eighteenth-century hymnist, Robert Robinson puts it (Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing).
I needed a Savior then and I need Him again and again to rescue me from the demons of fear, shame, insecurity, self pity, and bitterness that still congregate at the door of my heart – today.
And though I have been changed by the kindness of God towards me, I’m also aware that I’m now called to love, forgive, and serve others. Well then… I’m gonna NEED a present-tense source of power! I need the Holy Spirit to fill my heart with HIS love. Because, plain and simple, I can’t do this – I’m not that nice.
Oh this gift of the Gospel! It is truly the gift that keeps on giving (as cheesy and cliche as that sounds!). I cannot imagine where I’d be if it weren’t for the Gospel coming to my room on that lonely, despairing night as a teenager. Even more, I can’t imagine having walked through the last two decades if that same Gospel didn’t awaken me every day, take me by the hand, and say, “Come and follow Me”.
I don’t know where each of you are at in your journey with the Lord. But wherever that may be, this is my prayer for you and I today –
Oh Father, Giver of the Gift,
May we not hide or pretend sin doesn’t exist. Instead help us bring it before you and allow the cross of Christ to cast its shadow over it. And may the Gospel be the light in which we walk so that we might truly live in the joy of the ‘present’, where the gift of the gospel is something we receive day after day after day!
In Jesus Name, Amen.
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Niki Schemanski is a wife of seventeen years and homeschooling mother of three children. A love of singing led her into an early career in performing arts at eight years old. After college Niki became a worship pastor and has been serving in ministry ever since. She and her family reside in Durango, Colorado. (Read More: About The Author)