Hi there! First off, thank YOU for taking the time to visit my blog – I mean that! There is, no doubt, thousands of ways you could choose to spend a few relaxing moments of your day, so to have you here is a privilege. If I could, I would offer you a cup of coffee. Then I would proceed to ask you thoughtful questions in the hopes of understanding your journey and hearing your heart. That is what I love to do ~ get to know people! The richness I find in relationships is found through digging beneath the surface, taking off our masks, and allowing God’s truth to be the voice that speaks louder than our own. If you hunger for those kinds of conversations then you’ll feel right at home here at BeautifullyMessedUp.com!

So why “Beautifully Messed Up”? Why not “Perfectly Put Together”?! Well, hmmm… As much as I’d LOVE to write post after post about perfect marriages, perfect ministries, perfect children, and a perfect world full of perfect people, I just can’t. Because that’s not what I see. I see a world full of broken people – people who are beautifully created but marred by sin.

Life is messy. Family is messy. The church is messy… because this world is cursed. But, thankfully, ‘Cursed‘ is not the end of Earth’s story! And it doesn’t have to be the end of yours or mine either…

My own life has been far from perfect. I was adopted after being shuffled between homes and states, suffering repeated sexual abuse and early childhood trauma. When I was eight years old a love of singing led my fearful, timid heart onto a stage with knees shaking like crazy. There I found something I was longing for – the praise of man. This was the beginning of an early career in performing, a gift that I consider both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it prepared me for the ministry God had for me through traveling nationally to sing and speak before audiences of hundreds, sometimes thousands, of people. A curse because it led to a false sense of worth based on performance and perfection. The pressure to be all things to all people proved too much for my insecure heart and I chose to walk away from that lifestyle. In a downward spiral, I continued to search for approval through other avenues that left me feeling worse off than before.

Then I met Jesus. Alone in my bedroom. No alter call, no pastor. The seeds of the gospel had been planted years before, but hadn’t born fruit until this moment. In utter confusion, I asked myself, “How did I get here?” I was not expecting an answer. But God broke through in that dark moment and answered my question, “This is who you are without Me.” On that weary fall evening in Nikiski, Alaska – just prior to my seventeenth birthday – I confessed my absolute need for Christ.

A few months later, the gift of singing that I had put to death was resurrected. Only, this time, it would be used for an audience of One and not for the praise of man. After college I became a worship pastor for ten years and also traveled throughout Alaska to lead worship at conferences and retreats.

A love of God’s word led to hosting Bible study groups, teaching classes, and authoring inspirational material for the last seventeen years.

My deepest desire is to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8). I want to experience His goodness – even in the struggles, in my brokenness, and when bad things happen all around me. My hope in this blog is to bring honest and transparent realities – which are often messy – into the truth of God’s word – which is so very beautiful.

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