It’s coming. The second worst day of the year is coming… Mother’s Day.

Second only to… My Birthday!

Okay, fine – I’m being a bit dramatic, and maybe a little narcissistic (spoiler alert: that’s the whole point of this post). But before you snicker and click off this page, let me explain…

Year after year these two particular days arouse a whole mess of desires and emotions in me:

Anticipation. What will my family do for me? A party? Dinner out? An adventure perhaps?

Excitement. I can’t wait for…such and such.

Hope. Maybe this year they’ll surprise me with… so on and so forth.

Then, when the day is done, I’m left with a whole other mess of feelings and emotions that are altogether disturbing, perplexing, and embarrassing for me to admit:

Disappointment. That was it?

Self-pity. I wish they loved me enough to…

Bitterness. I wasn’t hoping for the world, just a simple…

Wow. Am I really going to confess all of this to the world wide web? Eeks, take it easy on me people. If you could see my face you’d see me sheepishly cringing, gritting my teeth… pinky finger gravitating towards the ‘delete’ key.

So why? Why are these two days so difficult?

How is it that I can both anticipate and dread them at the same time? Because the ugly, honest truth is that within my heart is a lingering desire to be the center of the universe, if only for THESE TWO days. For 363 days of the year I know that my goal is to give God glory. For 363 days of the year I know that my God-given ministry is to love and serve those around me. For 363 days of the year I know that I am not in charge and that He directs my steps. For 363 days of the year I know that I AM NOT the center of the universe.

But… for just TWO DAYS – on Mother’s Day and on My Birthday – I want to be the center of the universe!

Is that too much to ask? I don’t see a problem with it. The marketing industry tells me I deserve it. Our self-entitled culture would definitely agree that two days isn’t too much to ask for!

The only problem is I can’t convince God to give up His position as center of the universe, even for two days.

Hmph. It’s no wonder those are the two worst days of the year for me. I’m fighting a losing battle. I was not made to be the center of the universe. Ever. The world doesn’t revolve around me. Ever. I should not be the center of attention. Ever.

I am most miserable (and those who are stuck doing life with me are made miserable) when I’m vying for this position, which is not mine to assume.

On Mother’s Day, God is still on the throne. He alone is still Lord of the universe! Which means that on Mother’s Day I am still called to surrender my life, my desires, and my plans to this Lord rather than trying to be my own Lord for the day. When I think I deserve to be served (even for a day or two), I need to remember that Christ came not to be served but to serve… every day.

On My Birthday – when my heart aches to feel honored, celebrated, and loved – I need to remember that the One who gave me life is the only One worthy of being truly exalted and adored.

365 days of the year I am happiest when I take my rightful place in the universe…

A sinner in need of a Savior.
A lump of clay in the Potter’s hands.
A branch extending off the Vine.
An offering to be poured out.
A living sacrifice.

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*This post originally appeared at beautifullymessedup.com
Author: Niki Schemanski